Alisa is an aesthete, a lifelover, a hedonist, a connoisseur of herself and her desires. We talked about whether there are rules and etiquette for gifting, what to give to a person who does not like surprises, and whether it is appropriate to give gifts.

Do you prefer to give or receive gifts and why?

I often think about it and it’s like I love both. But if I have to choose, I usually imagine a world in which it would be impossible for me to receive gifts, but I could give them, and vice versa – a world where I could not give gifts myself, but I could receive gifts from others. In this case, I would rather agree to the first option, because for me, a gift is my desire to confess my feelings. And I perceive receiving a gift as a confession from the person who gives it. However, it may be about something completely different for her, she may have her own language of confession. Therefore, expressions of feelings in my own language are more important to me, and therefore, giving them myself is more fun for me.

What does giving mean to you? What is it about? Tell us.

For me, giving a gift is like talking to a person. The first thing that comes to mind is that a gift is about love, but it is certainly not. For me, it’s more like confessing feelings, which can be different. Sometimes you give it, but it’s like telling a person that you don’t like them.

There are official gifts, and this is also about expressing your attitude. Even a “leave me alone” gift is also about indifference to the person you are giving it to, or something else. It’s different for everyone. I always put meanings into my gifts.

Tell us about the rules of gifting. What should or should not be given as a gift and when? How do you choose gifts?

If for me gifts are about feelings, then I am against the rules in this area. Maybe there is some kind of etiquette or even signs. Sometimes I hear from others something like: you can’t give a watch or an empty wallet, but I don’t really care about it. So I choose gifts without any rules, and not always for a reason. The only thing I remember my dad teaching me since childhood is that if you need something from a person and give them a gift, the line between a gift of gratitude (after you have received something) and a bribe (before you have received something) is very thin, so you need to think carefully in this case. My dad also believed that you should give something that a person cannot/will not do or buy for themselves due to various circumstances or restrictions. And it’s often not about the cost. It’s about something that is put off as a non-essential, or if there are certain psychological barriers to it, or if a person doesn’t know how to do it, where to find it, or how to achieve it. I often use this rule.

How do I know if it’s a good gift I’m going to give or not?

I believe that there are no bad gifts. There are only those that are inappropriate for a person or a situation. It’s harder to say about the situation, because there can be quite a few of them. The only thing I would say is that you should understand whether the person will be comfortable accepting your gift in the place where it will happen. For example, don’t give a huge bouquet when the person will have to walk around the city with it, or something heavy when the person is not at home and will have to think about delivery.

As for matching the person, I would divide all people into two categories: those who like surprises and those who do not.So if you want to be sure that your gift will evoke pleasant emotions, it is advisable to understand what type of person you and the person you are giving it to belong to. Of course, it’s worth asking those who don’t like surprises what they want to receive as a gift. Most often, such people know this and even have a list of gifts (fortunately, this is becoming more and more common nowadays).

And for those who love surprises, you can give anything and enhance the effect and do it in a wow way (play with the packaging, place or accompaniment to the gift) – it’s a surprise! But I want to emphasise that it’s not just the recipient who should be happy. Don’t forget about yourself. If you like to make surprises and it is indescribably boring for you to give something ordered, then in my opinion, it is better to choose something from the person’s wish list, but add a surprise from yourself. Your mood is also important, it will influence the gift. And if you like to give something that will be necessary and desirable for the person, and they want a surprise, you can offer to go to the store together and choose something, or send a link to several things to choose from. For example, I like dosed surprises. I prefer to be presented with what I order, and all the creativity lies in how and where to present it to me.

The most extraordinary gifts you have received and given. Tell us about them.

For me, the extraordinary nature of a gift lies in the plane of feelings. The most extraordinary gifts I received were from my beloved husband, who gave me not so much things as impressions: how, where and at what moments he did it. And now, my beloved gives me a smile or a hug every time I think he is going to curse me. It turned out to be the best and most unexpected, and therefore extraordinary, gift for me.

I also have a few examples when my friends knew that I wanted something badly and gave it to me without any formal reason, just for the way I am with them. These are also the coolest gifts. Or I would get something for my birthday, but in an interesting way. Flowers are the most ordinary and extraordinary gift for me, because it always means something different.

As for my gifts, they are all ordinary. But I hope that my best gift to all my friends, loved ones and loved ones is a sincere interest in them and a desire to make their lives better at least a little bit while I am around.

Is it possible to give feelings?

I am sure that you can give anything: feelings, sensations, emotions, silence, mood, natural phenomena….

Are gifts not gifts? Can they be passed on?

I am not worried about the fact that my gift will not be needed or will be given to someone else for any reason. I believe that if you give something to a person, on the one hand, you give more than just something material, and on the other hand, you give your gift to them at their complete disposal and they are free to do whatever they want with it. I usually make it clear (mostly in the case of surprises) that I’m fine if my gift is gathering dust in the back corner, or in the trash, or given to someone else. In fact, we already know who treats us and how.

Where do you choose your gifts? Recommend.

Considering everything I said earlier, it becomes clear that it is impossible to cover it – it will be the whole world!